Heartbroken...

[lammy]

I'll wait on Jim if he would like to eat there-

But, as far as me meeting anyone from here sounds cool-I'd like to meet Quirky and Fluffy and a whole bunch even Jimacdcarrey, isn't that something-

I hope you feel better. It i not easy, take it one day at a time, you might go crazy...thinking about a -lot of things at one time can lead someone to anger and madness.

[searching_for_sunshine]

janel,
i took my soon-to-be ex-husband back 5 years ago after he cheated on me for almost a year. i thought i was strong and refused to be pegged by the experts, too but what i've found out now is (like stereotypes) there is a reason for those steps: we are all human beings. we love, our hearts break, we feel betrayal and although we try to forgive, sometimes the hurt is just too deep to keep going on the same path. i have learned that although i have forgiven him, i cannot forget or trust him like i did before. wish i hadn't have fooled myself into thinking i could. i feel i've lost the last 5 years but i did travel a lot so that's a perk luckily we do not have any children.

i feel bad for you that you will watch your children go through this. not only are you dealing with your heartbreak but you will see them go through "steps" as well.

hang in there janel! (and nicesock too) we all will pull through these hard times and become stronger women but do not become bitter. keep an open heart and a hopeful heart. it will heal but it will scar. good karma only

[Janel]

Yup--we are going through our "steps". My latest was having papers drawn up and paying a deposit for the paralegal services just yesterday. I thought I would be depressed but I actually feel strong and capable. I decided it was my responsibility to put a legal end to it all even if it wasn't my choice to quit. For us to continue as we are allows him to desecrate what I have held sacred.

My scars make me "me".
My scars allow me to see others in new and empathetic ways.
My scars keep me humble.
Good thing there's not plastic surgery for these kinds of scars...!

[lammy]

Life sucks sometimes but don't let it get to you.....go on strong and with a good mind! Things will only happen if you let it happen-

I make no sense...all I am saying is don't give up-

[quirky]

Here's what I do when I'm upset. I smoke. A lot.

I'm like one of the aunts in the Simpsons.

[lammy]

Don't feel bad-

[Alyonushka]

Oh I want to see Quirky's smoking!
When I'm upset I go to the cinema, when I'm blue I go for a walk. When I'm dying I merely cry and yell to my pillow as no one could see me.

[lammy]

When I am sad I cry alone and look up at the sky and talk to God and tell him how much I Love him. When I am deppressed I think about the situation and try to resolve it in my head as I cry and ask why me-

[fluffy]

i sleep...............

fluffy

[Filomena]

Me too!

When I'm depressed, I head straight towards my bedroom, flop on my bed, close my eyes, and will myself to sleep. Basically, I don't want to be awake anymore, so that's that.

Janel, I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'd feel like such a hypocrite. My own marriage sucks, and I wouldn't know what to say except: Follow your Heart and listen to your gut intuition.

You've got a lot of support here and this is a great thing about forums, which totally blew me away when I first joined.

[quirky]

You know, I really feel for you Janel. And it's so f-ing distressing the older I get to experience more and more people who have their marriages fall apart.

I'm 35 and I've never been married and all the friends my age that I worked with told me how @#$^*# lucky I was because I haven't been through a divorce.

When I was a little girl I used to dream about the day I'd meet "the one" and live happily every after. Of course, I also used to dream about being a princess until I cut off my long blonde hair and my father told me I couldn't be one anymore.

Do we just expect too much of each other? Do we not give enough of ourselves? Can I sue the publishers of Harlequin romances for creating a false sense of reality?

[comicpisces11]

The Harlequin romance thing is hilarious. I am still laughing.

If we could all just get to a place where we accept where we are as where we are supposed to be right now, we'd all be a lot less stressed out and have a lot more time on our hands to enjoy life. I have a "secret place" that I call "The Mountain" that I go to to figure things out if I do get down about life. Though I try to live in the "now", I often find myself trying to figure out my future, or sometimes my past and get all bent out of shape. I look down at the hills below me, the city, then the ocean and realize that life is too short to keep thinking about those things. My childhood was crap, but whose wasn't? Who knows what the future holds, but what I do right now will ultimately affect that. Relationships suck sometimes, especially when they end or right before they end, but if we could just accept that that's how it was meant to be, we could learn from the experience, forgive the person and ourselves, thank the Universe for the lesson and move forward in this short lifespan we carry. Why not try to enjoy every moment? Even the tears. Tears are like a cleansing of the soul. When I cry, I look at it like all the negativity and hurt is coming out through those tears, leaving me peaceful and pure again. Well, I even look at it like that when I go to the bathroom, but that's a whole other post!

[fluffy]

Y'know i really wish we could just go down the pub for a good old chinwag B................. ..............we are so alike in heaps of ways......lol.....i'm just the British version........ ................

but it does sadden me sometimes that we all can't meet up over a coffee and a giggle.............but i guess thats the curse of the internet.........

anyway..........we can all hold our heads up i reckon.........because whatever life throws at us i reckon we can all say we are survivors.....and we've been brought together by our abilities to smile and laugh at life!!! (and Jim of course...........lol)

fluffy

[comicpisces11]

Well, like I said before, if you ever want to have holiday in L.A....

Is it possible to order tea in the pubs there? I don't drink.

[Janel]

A co-worker is also 35 and has never been married. She hasn't really wanted to until just the last year or so. I think we have been "tricked" into thinking that if we don't get married by a certain age or don't get married at all, then somehow we are missing out. I definitely think that the romance novels have something to do with that!

I think that we do expect too much of each other--we have formed a picture in our minds of what we want and then when we meet someone and fall in love (and I'm here to tell you that you can fall in love with someone you are completely INcompatible with!) we just expect them to have what we imagined not taking the time to find out who they really are. I don't require a lot of friends to feel content--I would have LOVED just me and my husband together being best friends, lovers...EVERYTHING. But, he wanted single guy friends, alcohol, late nights playing poker, darts, pool, any and every sport ad nauseum--anything to keep from being in a relationship that was honest and real. If I had taken the time to get to know him better before we got married, I would have realized that from the beginning. Now that I think back, he has always been that way. I have wanted him to be something he never was.

And when it comes to giving of ourselves, it is a lifelong process that the other person has to be involved in as well. You have to be willing to learn what the other person needs and wants. We can't possibly know what each other needs--we only know what WE need and want and unless you are BOTH willing to hear and LEARN to be what each other desires, it isn't gonna work. And I'm not talking about changing WHO you are--it's taking marriage to that unique place of blending characters and personalities to create a beautiful "one" as a couple but retaining your own unique-ness.

My husband thought he wanted all that but as time went on and life became more complicated, medicating himself was easier to cope than talking or dealing with misunderstandings and differences of opinions. Which is why it completely weirds me out to think of him in another relationship--how could you be so daft as to not realize that if you WON'T do what it takes to work on a relationship....why is he in another?