I would like to share this with you Quirky, and everybody else on the forum. It talks about depression and how to deal with it. A friend of mine went to a depression period some time ago and some of the suggestions listed below helped her. It's from the website:
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities ... /index.asp
"...As you see, depression is a killer. It takes away all the enthusiasm and fun from peoples lives, and makes suicide seem a viable choice... You must get help. No one can read your mind and subtle hints will not save you. The reason that hints do not work is because those close to you do not want to believe you would kill yourself, and because they can't know how desperate you are. You must take an active role in saving your own life. Do something! Your life will be better for it, but you must act... The doctors and medicine can't "cure" you without you doing anything to make yourself better. You have to work on helping yourself. These things can help.
1. You and I must not interpret the present based on things of the past. Let each thing that is said or done be on it's own. Live in the "now" only. Put the past behind you and keep it there. Dreaming of what might have been will keep you from living the in the "now", and it incorrectly colors the present. If someone says something, accept the meaning without allowing the past to change it in your mind.
2. Stand up for yourself. Don't let others get away with trying to make you a victim. This is not a "get even" thought, it is a "stand up for yourself at all costs and all of the time" thought. Some people will walk on you if they can - don't let them. If they get away with it they will do it again and again, and you will despise yourself for letting them do that to you. You deserve better. (See the "Our Rights and Asserting Ourselves")
3. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and almost all mistakes are fixable. Learn from the mistake, forgive yourself and get on with living.
4. Learn to choose and to make your own decisions. By not choosing or deciding, we feel much less "in control" and we are that much more the victim. Get rid of "anything, doesn't matter, and whatever" those are not constructive choices. Many times, the lack of making decisions cause us to lose control of our lives, and that can lead to self hate.
(See link "About Making Decisions").
5. Watch out for idealistic thinking, try to stay real, we are not in a perfect world and you and I must not try to be martyrs. We can't show others by our willingness to suffer or die for our ideals. Other people probably won't understand the reason for our pain anyway, and our subtlety will be wasted.
6. Much of the hostility and/or hate you are directing inward to yourself should have been and should be directed away from yourself and toward those who deserve it - but, don't direct it toward people who don't deserve it.
These are things that you can do to help yourself:
A- Know your enemy. Learn to recognize the symptoms of depression.
B- Take responsibility for your illness and be active in the treatment of it. If you know you're depressed, get help and do not wait. If your doctor or therapist isn't helping you, change to a different one (they work for you).
C- Get guilt out of your life. Guilt is what parents used to control you as a child. You are not a child anymore, so don't carry guilt around. (Also if you are doing things that make you feel bad about yourself, stop doing them).
D- If your depression is "out of control," talk to at least five people about it or until someone sees your desperation. Most people are not able to understand if they aren't trained professionals, but most anyone would help you if they knew how.
E- If you use alcohol or drugs stop. When they say "alcohol is a depressant" they aren't kidding. I can't stress this enough! I couldn't get my depression and my life under control until after I stopped drinking - totally. This fact took me years to finally understand. You also don't need the turmoil that comes with drinkers. (See "Where do we go from here?" link).
F- When you most feel like hibernating and avoiding people, force yourself to get dressed and be with others. There are also links here on listening, on conversation, and on assertiveness that can help you be more comfortable and effective when communicating with others.
G- Start an exercise program. Exercise combats depression. Exercise twice a day - it really helps. To make it easier do it every day. Make it a routine, and don't stop if you have a few bad days. If you are having a bad time, tell your therapist.
H- Put a card on your bathroom mirror and read it aloud five times in the morning and same at night. The card says: "I am a very worthwhile person". You are. We always remember more of the bad things in life than the good, and this reinforces our sense of worth. If you are feeling worthless do it now.
I- Most importantly get help from professionals. See your doctor (Md.), call a hotline, call 911, You can also check into any emergency room anywhere - It's sure better than trying suicide, and people there are trained to get you help. They will understand, but act."
I hope this helps put things and life into perspective and get us take more care of ourselves.
Clemmy
But I won't stop praying for you Quirky. 
