Heartbroken...

[Janel]

Thanks!! And yes, the giggles and more! Side-splitting laughter, genuine guffaws, instead of the token, "mmm hmmm/smile" to something mildly silly, I actually laugh out loud.
It comes so easily--I have found myself chuckling out loud at hello!!

Clerk at grocery store says,"Hello, how are ya?".........
*Janel chuckles*..."I'm good!! Thanks!"

[Laura Laing]

Dear Janel...I just wanted you to know that sharing your situation does help those of us who are dealing with our own relationship difficulties - sharing your story and the fact that you came back to update us on your successes gives others hope and strength by knowing we are really not alone....and there is a light at the end of the tunnel...thank you, you really have a caring generous heart......

I think others should read the entire forum, or perhaps take the time to read other forums and get to know the people posting before deciding to submit negative posts. In my opinionated opinion, they definately do not belong here.

[quirky]

In my opinion, too.

[Laura Laing]

High five quirky

Go Janel Go !!!

[mav]

Yay! I'm happy to know you're finally happy Janel. I love your "last statement".

[Jimenem]

Way to go Janel! I'm so happy for you!
I want what you have. True Happiness. Mine comes and goes, but for the same reason as you, I find myself slipping into a depression occasionally. My first girlfriend tatooed her name on my heart (figuratively speaking), and when she left. . . she removed it. and those of you with tatooes know how painful it is to remove one. I can still feel the scar, and everytime i see something that reminds me of her, or something we did together. It breaks open and starts bleeding again . . . I HATE it!! I've taken a big step toward getting over her. . . I found another girl. And with time I hope that I can love her as Much as I loved My first girlfriend. . . But I don't want to go through that again. . . I'm afraid I'm still going through it. . . When will it end! sorry to pour my heart out and crowd your thread Janel, but I just needed to let everyone know. I don't know why, I just felt like I had too.

I'm really glad for you Janel, your a strong woman.

[mav]

sigh. I feel like this topic... heartbroken... but you put it very beautifully Jimenem.

[Janel]

sorry to pour my heart out and crowd your thread Janel, but I just needed to let everyone know. I don't know why, I just felt like I had too.

Please don't let this thread just be about me---I KNOW we've all been there. It is why I felt confident in posting in the first place! I knew there would be plenty of understanding hearts out there!

It was my update that I felt a little hesitant to post. It is harder to hear good news when you are still down, and I understand that. I hoped it would bring....well, HOPE!

Remember when I complained about going through the stages that all the experts said I would go through? Every time I went through another wave of self-pity, or anger, denial, apathy, or whatever, I acknowledged the feeling. I allowed myself a couple of days to feel that way and if it hadn't disappeared within 2-3 days, I literally told myself, "ok girl, that's enough, let's do something different here". I kept journaling and forcing myself to find and write good things in my journal and when I struggled, looked back at the things that I had accomplished (filing paperwork, changing names on accounts, making another payment to paralegal, taking down wedding photos...!!! and believe me, those things were ONE SLOW THING at a time) and I knew and saw in a tangible way that I WAS moving forward! I WASN'T still where I was after he left me....I was making progress, I was healing.

I think part of my "turning the corner" in my heartbreak comes from a concentrated effort to find the simple, the pleasant, the good, the love in my life. Grasping the fact that nobody owes me happiness. Determined to look ahead to what might be next for me....no, things did not turn out as I had imagined. What can I do now to fill the rest of my life with purpose and joy? Isn't that what life is about? That journey? And, as we go through changes, are we robbing ourselves of opportunity just because we are so determined to live in what we lost?

I don't know. I don't have answers. I wish I did. I don't know why we have to go through the pain of broken hearts. And I don't know why some get through looking as if they have life all together and others are going....what am I doing wrong? I'm pulling for ya, Jimenem, Mav, Laura and hey---MYSELF too!!! And everyone else. So.....crowd the thread!! Pour out your hearts! Who knows what might happen next!!!

[Janel]

Oh yes, I forgot, this is what I do, and have done when everything gets overwhelming...
I runnn, and run, or swim, and swim and swim, alot.
Until I'm so exhausted, I'm not angry anymore.
.

Oops....I forgot to comment on this.....I finally found the strength to incorporate exercise back into my life. Thanks for the reminder, Canadian Jayne! I had forgotten how good it felt to sweat on purpose!!! I used to love working out but had gotten so used to beating myself up for exercise!!! OH MY!

[fantastic_voyage]

Hi Janel,

I'm a bit late to the party, but I'm glad to read you're feeling brighter these days. You're going great!

Cheers.

[Janel]

Hi Janel,

I'm a bit late to the party, but I'm glad to read you're feeling brighter these days. You're going great!

Cheers.

Your post was made on what would have been my 17th wedding anniversary! Sigh....how time does fly! I did have a few days prior to the 24th that I kept wondering, "I feel 'off'....what is my problem?" Only to write the date on a bill on the 24th and realize...oh yeah, wow....THAT might be the problem!! I wasn't sad, just.....reflective, I guess.