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My Autism Whisperer
With the divorce rate in autism families being 80 percent there are many single mothers out there going through this journey alone. So many single moms approach me and ask if they will ever find someone like I did who would be open and willing to fall in love with them and their autistic child. Many men have a hard time getting into relationships with women who have typical children, let alone autistic children. So I decided to sit down with Jim right before bed one night and ask him to share his thoughts and feelings about our relationship and about Evan.
I plopped my head on a pillow and stared at his beautiful, sweet face as he began to open up his heart.
In the beginning of our relationship we were just dating so I wasn't thinking too much about taking on any roles of a family unit quite yet. But I was always interested in what you had to say about Evan and about the things you had to overcome and deal with as far as autism was concerned. As time went on, I fell in love with your strength and good humor in the midst of all that.
The first time I met Evan, he was just this little ball of light. He didn't say much and it was hard in the beginning because there was no back-and-forth conversation with him. Usually, as you get to know somebody, they open up and want hugs and affection, but because he had autism, there was always a bit of distance. It was differcult not to take it personally when he seemed to be ignoring my attention.
I just had to be patient and give him enough love and attention, and soon I became the interesting thing in the room to him. Now we're buds. He trusts me.
I fell in love with you and knew that if we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, then that meant Evan was supposed to be there, too. I made the commitment to love you both, and decided that all of it was going to be a blessing.
Photographed by Tracey Landworth at an
Exceptional Events production.
Before you both moved in, I had to seriously consider the responsibility of helping to raise Evan, but once I let go of the fear and decided to love him, our life together became really fun. I soon realized that I was going to learn as much from Evan as he was from me. I've gained the capacity for love, acceptance, and patience, and the ability to make someone feel safe. Last night Evan was frightened so he crawled into bed with us and went to sleep. By four a.m., he had turned his whole body sideways and began kicking me in the face over and over. But instead of moving him, I just lay there laughing and taking the blows. I had to get up at six a.m. the next morning and shoot for twelve hours, but moments like that have become much more valuable to me then a good night's sleep. I just love it.
We have many things in common, Jenny and I, not the least of which is our love for a beautiful little boy named Evan. A little boy whose terrible struggle cracked open her heart and revealed to me a depth of character and spirit that is undeniably pure. It was Evan who made me understand her true worth. That's just one little thing he's done for us.
For single moms out there struggling with autism and looking for love, you have to change the belief that you�ll never meet a guy who will take it all on, because whatever you believe will become your reality. If you believe no one can love you, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to attract someone. Believe that there are good men out there who will love you and your child, and you will attract one of them. The universe is listening and creating your life based on what you believe. So don't send out the wrong signals. Convince yourself that you deserve love and it will happen.
With the divorce rate in autism families being 80 percent there are many single mothers out there going through this journey alone. So many single moms approach me and ask if they will ever find someone like I did who would be open and willing to fall in love with them and their autistic child. Many men have a hard time getting into relationships with women who have typical children, let alone autistic children. So I decided to sit down with Jim right before bed one night and ask him to share his thoughts and feelings about our relationship and about Evan.
I plopped my head on a pillow and stared at his beautiful, sweet face as he began to open up his heart.
In the beginning of our relationship we were just dating so I wasn't thinking too much about taking on any roles of a family unit quite yet. But I was always interested in what you had to say about Evan and about the things you had to overcome and deal with as far as autism was concerned. As time went on, I fell in love with your strength and good humor in the midst of all that.
The first time I met Evan, he was just this little ball of light. He didn't say much and it was hard in the beginning because there was no back-and-forth conversation with him. Usually, as you get to know somebody, they open up and want hugs and affection, but because he had autism, there was always a bit of distance. It was differcult not to take it personally when he seemed to be ignoring my attention.
I just had to be patient and give him enough love and attention, and soon I became the interesting thing in the room to him. Now we're buds. He trusts me.
I fell in love with you and knew that if we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, then that meant Evan was supposed to be there, too. I made the commitment to love you both, and decided that all of it was going to be a blessing.
Photographed by Tracey Landworth at an
Exceptional Events production.
Before you both moved in, I had to seriously consider the responsibility of helping to raise Evan, but once I let go of the fear and decided to love him, our life together became really fun. I soon realized that I was going to learn as much from Evan as he was from me. I've gained the capacity for love, acceptance, and patience, and the ability to make someone feel safe. Last night Evan was frightened so he crawled into bed with us and went to sleep. By four a.m., he had turned his whole body sideways and began kicking me in the face over and over. But instead of moving him, I just lay there laughing and taking the blows. I had to get up at six a.m. the next morning and shoot for twelve hours, but moments like that have become much more valuable to me then a good night's sleep. I just love it.
We have many things in common, Jenny and I, not the least of which is our love for a beautiful little boy named Evan. A little boy whose terrible struggle cracked open her heart and revealed to me a depth of character and spirit that is undeniably pure. It was Evan who made me understand her true worth. That's just one little thing he's done for us.
For single moms out there struggling with autism and looking for love, you have to change the belief that you�ll never meet a guy who will take it all on, because whatever you believe will become your reality. If you believe no one can love you, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to attract someone. Believe that there are good men out there who will love you and your child, and you will attract one of them. The universe is listening and creating your life based on what you believe. So don't send out the wrong signals. Convince yourself that you deserve love and it will happen.
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